Tonight, on a very special episode of Pessimist Reality...
There's this guy that works in my building. His name is Tom. Tom is REALLY nice. He's very friendly and chatty, and he's not too shabby looking, either. Tom walks a little weird, though. He walks like there's something wrong with his hip, spine, or leg. Maybe it's neurological? Maybe he was born this way? Maybe it's a birth defect? I'm afraid to ask him what it is. Either way, whenever I see Tom I want to cry. This could be me in 5 or 10 years and that depresses me.
What I think about is, how shallow am I? If Tom asked me out, would I date someone like this? What if it was me? Would people still want to date me? Can you look past something like this? Fuck. As I write this my eyes are tearing up. What if you date a person, who at first is normal.. then something tragic happens? They are in a horrible car accident, they get some neurological disease, whatever. Now what? Do you dump them? Do you stay with them out of pity? What if you truly love this person? Is your love enough to overcome this? Will you wheel them down the aisle?
What if it was me.. would I rather walk around like this, or just use a wheelchair, even if I don't REALLY need one? Am I that concerned about appearances? I'm afraid I am. I don't know if I could handle the looks of pity, or people being nice to me just because they feel sorry for me. Even if they aren't thinking that, I would imagine that they were. Could I just get over it? I don't know that I could..
I know this is a depressing topic, my apologies. On to more angry things next post.
What I think about is, how shallow am I? If Tom asked me out, would I date someone like this? What if it was me? Would people still want to date me? Can you look past something like this? Fuck. As I write this my eyes are tearing up. What if you date a person, who at first is normal.. then something tragic happens? They are in a horrible car accident, they get some neurological disease, whatever. Now what? Do you dump them? Do you stay with them out of pity? What if you truly love this person? Is your love enough to overcome this? Will you wheel them down the aisle?
What if it was me.. would I rather walk around like this, or just use a wheelchair, even if I don't REALLY need one? Am I that concerned about appearances? I'm afraid I am. I don't know if I could handle the looks of pity, or people being nice to me just because they feel sorry for me. Even if they aren't thinking that, I would imagine that they were. Could I just get over it? I don't know that I could..
I know this is a depressing topic, my apologies. On to more angry things next post.
posted by gotbrains? at 3:08 PM
8 Comments:
I don't think that what you wrote gives the full extent of Tom's condition. When he walks, it's as though he's a guy playing around, doing an extremely exaggerated version of a drunken walk. I can see why he makes you cry, especially since he's such a happy, sweet guy. It wouldn't be so hard if he was an asshole.
He takes the bus to work (I imagine that his condition doesn't allow him the option of driving), and seeing him hobble to the bus stop is heartbreaking. Sometimes I feel like asking him if he'd like me to drive him to the bus stop, but in today's world, that might be considered rude, so I dunno.
Watching Tom walk is sad, but I can understand how it's even more so for you because you have this looming fear that MS wil leave you in a similar condition. The chances are very, very remote, but I have to admit that it's a lot easier for me to believe that, since I'm not the one with MS.
All of the questions you pose are difficult ones, and it's depressing to think about. We can go around in circles talking about how shallow we are or aren't, but I think it's a lot easier to count your blessings that you're not in a position that forces you to truly realize whether or not you're as shallow as you think you might (or might not) be.
I'm almost positive that stem cell research could eventually have Tom walking normally. Too bad we have an asshole like Bush in office who seems to be doing everything in his power to delay what could be the next medical miracle. I will NEVER vote for someone who's against stem cell research, or won't support federal funding for stem cell research. I just hope enough people out there feel the same way.
Your poigniant observations on Tom are completely understandable, ESPECIALLY coming from where your perspective lies, but let me enlighten you, the way I was, in my own experiences. Having a child that is undergoing chemotherapy, and all the rigors NO child, let alone a person should EVER have to endure, I have some personal experience interacting with people (parents and children) that deal with the stigma of obvious visual differences, as well as questions regarding their own mortality. I was EXTREMELY sensitive to this, not even feeling comfortable enough to make eye contact with some of the kids, let alone interact. But you know what? That was the worst thing i could do. After gettin down on the floor and allowing myself to get comfortable with the physical appearance, I realized that the ONLY thing my new "friends" wanted from me was to not be seen and treated as different. Folks like that are as guarded about themselves as you are of them. Once they let you in, and you get to experience the satisfaction of bringing lil bit of sunshine into their life by just blowin bubbles at them, or bein an ear to hear expert commentary on Pokemon battle champions. Obviously, theres a major difference between the folks I'm talkin about vs. Tom, but alot of the same principles apply. Don't feel sorry for them!!! They dont. You shouldn't either. Bein dealt a shitty hand sucks, but it ain't the end of the game. Play the cards you're dealt, make the best decisions you can, and look forward to all you have to live. That's the most unbelievable thing I cherish and think about when I conduct the silliest impromptu puppet show from the foot of my "friends" hospital bed. Adopt the amazing resilience that these children do in the face of adversity that they have to deal with. Shit ain't right, but I'll be DAMNED if it's gonna stop me. A lil of that in yours or any life can go a long, long way. Keep ya head up kid!
I am not living with Heather. Are you insane?? I'd rather live with the cats in the guesthouse.
Anonymous had a lot of good things to say. Poignant stuff
The reference to "The Golden Girls" was fucking priceless.
Annonymous is a dumbass. As if he's really "annonymous." Just use your name, dork!!
You all had good things to say!! I didn't write this post as a "pity me" kind of thing, or to get attention. That wasn't my intention. But, thank you for the kind words.
I like the idea of Armando and Eric being the other two in our Golden Girls scenario better.
Yvette - Sophia
Zuzel - Dorothy
Armando - Rose
Eric - Blanch
THAT is comedy.
Can I be the wisecracking Cuban neighbor?
And you apparently speak ebonics, so the english skills aren't so great, either. =)
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