Things you should have learned as a child...

It's "Bring Your Nosepickers To Work" day!! The sound of children's laughter fills the air and I feel like throwing up.

Are there things that you should have learned as a child, but never did? Like, you still can't seem to share your toys? I was a spoiled/sheltered brat as a child. I shopped at Bloomingdales and ordered ice cream sundaes to be delivered to me by a little asian man on a bike in the middle of December (I'm from NJ, remember?).

I can't ride a bike. The first thing that comes to mind on this topic is the fact that I cannot ride a bike. I just never learned. I was put on training wheels and never got off of them. I think it was mostly a paranoia of falling, because the one phrase I can clearly remember from my family as a child was, "Cuidado, te vas a caer!" (For the gringos: "Be careful, you'll fall!")

I can't cook. Well, I try to cook, but I'm not that good at it. I'm the queen of the recipe, though. I can follow directions, and measure 1/4 teaspoons, like nobody's business!! Coming from a Sicilian/Cuban family, you'd think I would have learned to make something! Rice and beans, tomato sauce.. something! But, alas, I cannot cook. I'm a hell of an eater, though!! I can make a mean bowl of cereal without a recipe, too!!

Good study habits!! I'm the worlds biggest procrastinator. I will take an internet class, do NO work for 2 months, then read 15 chapters the week before the final. Luckily, I have pretty good short-term memory, or I'd be screwed. I always yell at myself at 3am the night before the test, but I continue to do the same thing. Don't ask me what I learned in Administrative Law this semester.. that final was last week, so it's all gone by now.

Sex. I don't think my mom ever had a 'birds & bees' talk with me. I still wait for the stork to drop off my baby on my doorstep.. or, do I have to married first? We just never discussed the topic AT ALL. Maybe if we had spoken about sex I wouldn't have been such a hoochie in high school?? Maybe not..

Shaving. For some reason my mother hadn't mentioned anything about shaving my legs to me until I finally asked her about it.. in like 8th grade. Little did I realize that everyone was making fun of me and my hairy legs all through middle school. As if the coke-bottle glasses and larger-than-life lips weren't enough to get me called names, but then I was hairy, too. Damn you, mother.