I Wanna Sex U Up

"Come inside take off your coat I'll make you feel at home. Now, let's pour a glass of wine cuz now we're all alone. I've been waiting for you girl just let me hold you close to me, cuz I've been dying for you girl to make love to me."

Don't you think Color Me Badd was way before its time? What a talented bunch.

It's a cruel fact of nature that orgasms require concentration. I think we should all have been made to just walk down the street and if the wind blows the right way, we get a nice surprise. Well, that may make things a little messy for men, so just women should be that way. We shouldn't have to think about it too much, or get screwed by distractions, like the fucking headboard hitting the wall so hard that you're afraid your neighbors will either (a) think you're being killed, or (b) think you're a super tramp. Ahh.. they're just jealous. They wish they could have ass-slappin', headboard-rockin', back-scratchin' sex. We all do. ;-)

While I'm at it, vibrators should be made more quiet. Maybe I have a cheap one, but when it's got new batteries that little bastard is loud. I have to keep my iPod blaring, because my walls are so thin.

I have this hottie german neighbor. We'll call him Gunter. When I first moved in, Gunter asked me out. I was excited, hottie german neighbor wants to go out with me. So, we went on our date and it was.. ok. We went to see "King Kong" and then I ate, because he had eaten before we went out. Top three problems with Gunter:

1. He's poor. Not that I'm materialistic, but when you have to eat before a date, so you don't spend money on food you're too poor for me.

2. He's a party person. He's my age, so there wasn't an age problem, but I'm a lot older in personality than I am in age, I guess? He's all into partying, clubbing and techno music. So not me. I like quiet. Movies, dinners, hanging out with friends, etc.

3. He's foreign. I have no problem with foreigners, especially hot, german ones. However, there wasn't that pop-culture thing in common that you would have with someone of your own age group that is American. It's just a completely different lifestyle over there. Oh, I should mention, he is VERY german.. as in, has only been here since last summer.

So, given all these things, do you think we had a good time? Not really. It wasn't TERRIBLE, but it wasn't great, either. There were long periods of silence followed by me saying, "What??" 39078897 times because his damn accent is so thick I can't understand him. I thought the feeling was mutual, since I hadn't seen him for over a month after we went out. We hadn't even passed each other in the hallway. Well, it just so happens that Gunter and I meet in the lobby of the building yesterday afternoon. We chatted politely for a few minutes and then he asked me out, again?! Are you insane?? We barely spoke the first time?! Why would you want to go out with me, again?? I wouldn't ask me out, again! I gave him some sad excuse about studying constantly and not having much of a life. I feel bad. Maybe I'm delusional? Maybe he's just desperate for friends and just wants me to introduce him to cute chicks? Either way, don't shit where you eat, or in this case, sleep.