Am I Destined to be Evil?
I'M BAAAAAAAAAACK!! I have been swamped for a long time now, between school and work and life. I had put this blog aside. I guess it can be a semi-cathartic release, though. So, I'm back. Right on to our topic of the day:
I have a boyfriend. I think? I have a boyfriend who is divorced and has a child. I used to not like children, however, I don't mind them anymore. They can be cute. My boyfriend's child, however, hates me. He's only 3. I know, I know.. 3 year olds don't know "hate." But, I get the equivelant of 3 year-old dirty looks from him. I know, it's not me, it's the situation. I know I'm new and I'm seen as competition for his father's affection. I know he's loyal to his mother and I'm intruding. I know. I also know that it is VERY hard to try to interact and try to relate to a child that you think hates you. Everytime he sees me I get a frustrated sigh and an unhappy look, followed by a hand on the hip. It is extremely frustrating and hurtful. I know I need to get over it and give it time, but how do you deal with something like this? Am I supposed to be pushy and get in his face and make him like me? Do I back off and just let him get over it? Am I supposed to buy my way into his good graces with toys? It's not about me. I know I need to recite this over and over, but how do you not take it to heart? No one is more honest than a child and no one is more selfish than a child. Well, maybe not no one. I'm pretty selfish.. which makes this worse. But, I'm trying. I'm trying to be ok with his constant need to be with him. I'm trying to be ok with him bringing him up when he's spending time with me. I'm trying to be ok with not being #1 in his life. I cannot compete with his son. But, when I try to be a part of this life, I get shut out and it does hurt. Patience is a virtue I lack and when dealing with this type of situation you need a lot of it. Patience and tough skin. Where can I get in line for some of those?
I have a boyfriend. I think? I have a boyfriend who is divorced and has a child. I used to not like children, however, I don't mind them anymore. They can be cute. My boyfriend's child, however, hates me. He's only 3. I know, I know.. 3 year olds don't know "hate." But, I get the equivelant of 3 year-old dirty looks from him. I know, it's not me, it's the situation. I know I'm new and I'm seen as competition for his father's affection. I know he's loyal to his mother and I'm intruding. I know. I also know that it is VERY hard to try to interact and try to relate to a child that you think hates you. Everytime he sees me I get a frustrated sigh and an unhappy look, followed by a hand on the hip. It is extremely frustrating and hurtful. I know I need to get over it and give it time, but how do you deal with something like this? Am I supposed to be pushy and get in his face and make him like me? Do I back off and just let him get over it? Am I supposed to buy my way into his good graces with toys? It's not about me. I know I need to recite this over and over, but how do you not take it to heart? No one is more honest than a child and no one is more selfish than a child. Well, maybe not no one. I'm pretty selfish.. which makes this worse. But, I'm trying. I'm trying to be ok with his constant need to be with him. I'm trying to be ok with him bringing him up when he's spending time with me. I'm trying to be ok with not being #1 in his life. I cannot compete with his son. But, when I try to be a part of this life, I get shut out and it does hurt. Patience is a virtue I lack and when dealing with this type of situation you need a lot of it. Patience and tough skin. Where can I get in line for some of those?
posted by gotbrains? at 12:42 PM
2 Comments:
You can buy Toughskins at Wal-Mart. It's $18.49 a pair.
Wanna know how to deal with it? The answer is simple. By not giving a shit. You need to learn to accept it and let him have his space. If the li'l dude is mean to you, accept it, and carry on. Also, show him indifference. Don't let him see your reaction, regardless of what that reaction is, because your reaction will be what he feeds off of. Give him time, give him space, and accept the situation for what it is. In time, the li'l dude will be more accomidating.
I am sorry Joey but that's a really stupid idea. You have obviously never been neither a step child nor a step parent... if she does that, she can guarantee that she'll be the wicked bitch for the rest of her life.
He is 3. Win him over. If he is that important to him, and you want to remain important to him too you are going to have to. and he is 3.
Indifference will get you nowhere, other than that "but you didn't even try to get him to like you" that will inevitably come up during an argument some day.
I've had 5 step parents. I think I can speak with authority on the subject.
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