Obsession, infatuation, codependence!! Oh my!

ob·ses·sion n.
1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

in·fat·u·a·tion n.
1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
2. An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

co-de·pen·dent adj.
1. Mutually dependent.
2. Of or relating to a relationship in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way on someone who is addicted to a drug or self-destructive behavior, such as chronic gambling.

Obsession. That's such a passionate-sounding word. Obsession. Is one that is obsessed with something/someone aware of it? I guess not. If you know you're obsessed then you do your damnest to stop these feelings.

Infatuation. Foolish, unreasoning, and short-lived. How short is short?

Doesn't codependence have a little of both? When you're codependent you have an obsessive need for another person, be it foolish or unreasoning. Short-lived would definitely not be the case. A codependent person feels compelled to be in a relationship, regardless of it's dangers or their unhappiness. A fear of being alone. Isn't everyone afraid to be alone, though? Well, "afraid" is a strong word. No one really wants to be alone, but I don't think it's fear. I think most people want to grow old with someone else. Is this codependence, or are we all just bred to need someone else?

I have a friend. Yes, just one. I have a friend who I believe is codependent. She hasn't had MANY relationships in her life, but each one is more destructive than the last. There hasn't been any physical abuse, that I know of, but there's a lot of mental abuse, manipulation and she's taken advantage of. Everytime she gets into the relationship she finds some kind of connection to the person to not allow her to let them go later on. They work together, they have mutual aquaintances, whatever.. there has to be something to hold her there. Then, when she becomes unhappy, and inevitably she does, it's impossible for her to let go. She starts to feel guilty for having these feelings and begins to think, "if I leave him then I won't have such and such anymore..." She's unhappy and doesn't like being with the person, but she stays. She always stays.

I always worry that what I'm feeling about another person isn't really love, but codependence. I had a boyfriend in highschool who I was with for about 2 years (I think). Two years is an eternity when you're 16. I liked him. I don't know if I was "in love" with him. I cheated on the poor boy 4 times. He found out about one of them (now he knows about all of them, but that's another story) and tried to dump me. I say "try" because I went ape shit! He came to my house to break up with me (I remember this vividly) and I had just woken up in undies and a t-shirt. He gave me back some stuff I had given him and walked to his car. I chased him out to his car in undies and a t-shirt!! I cried and cried and cried. He took me back 2 days later. My question is, why did I get so upset?? Obviously I never loved the boy. In fact, there were things about him I downright hated. So, why the obsession? Why the need to be with him? Or, was it a need to be with someone? Here we are 10 years later and I still think about it. I try to be very concious of my feelings, happiness and unhappiness in relationships, because I don't want to make the same mistake.

I don't think I am codependent, but I still think about it. If anything, this situation may have made me too much the opposite? I'm quick to let people out of my life without giving them a second thought. That can't be good either.