If I was a rich girl

I'm scared I'll miss the way we use to talk
And if its all forever lost dont wanna know
I'm scared that you're the one that got away
And i want you here with me
Tonight, will never come

There needs to be something there, doesn't there? There has to be some kind of 'click.' I'll never understand those people that don't marry for love, but for money. Those rich girls that are raised to only marry rich and that's all they really look for in a man. They'll put up with whatever the guy will throw at them just because they're loaded and they know they'll have his credit cards later on. Money and looks fall along the same lines, no? There are also guys/girls that will put up with all kinds of crap from a significant other just because they're really hot. Is the money really worth the heartache? Are the looks that important?

I was lucky when I grew up. We were not RICH, but very comfortable. I'd always get everything I wanted. Somehow my mom raised me down to earth and grounded, though. She also raised me to want love, not money. Love and not looks. I wouldn't say that I've been lucky in the love department, I have dated some real losers. But, I guess I've been lucky in that they've all been cute. At least to me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all. None of them have had any money, though. I've never dated rich. I don't know that I'd get along with rich. With rich comes arrogance, materialism, and bad manners in general. No, thanks.

I'm still not dating rich, not even close, but he's adorable and we click. He pisses me off every other week, but I know he would never do anything intentionally to hurt me. He's sweet and spends most of his time helping everyone around him, even at the expense of himself. As annoying as it can get, it's nice to date someone that everyone seems to love/count on. We seem to be polar opposites in most aspects of our personalities, which causes some friction, but I guess in combination we make a good balance of too nice/too obnoxious. And, last but not least, we talk really well. We click. That's gotta count for more than looks and money.

American Idol Rejects

There's this man, who I assume is a fag, that frequents the Starbucks in Sunny Isles. He wears pink biker shorts, pink tank top, this awesome Chiquita Bananna hat with all kinds of flowers instead of fruits, and carries around a pink purse. Everytime I see him he makes me laugh. I'm never with anyone to make fun of him, so I just laugh to myself. I would totally make fun of him, though. He deserves it. Anyone that walks out of their house, or cardboard box, looking that ridiculous deserves it. I don't make fun of people who can't help themselves (deformities, mental disabilities, etc), but this guy can help himself. He just chooses to dress this way. So, I choose to make fun of him.

There's this big hoopla about the new season of American Idol and the fact that the judges are ridiculously mean to the contestants. They make fun of their appearances and whatnot.. What bullshit! First of all, America loves it. America loves looking at the t.v. and making fun of the people on it. Especially when they are making fools of themselves. In reality, if you saw any of these sad, pathetic souls walking down the street you would make fun of them, too. So, what difference does it make? Personally, my favorite is the girl in the commercials that is a little tubby, has long hair and a mustache and of course, she can't sing to save her life. That brings me to my second point: these people are volunteering for America to laugh at them. I think they're being paid to act like morons, but if they aren't, then they want to be ridiculed on national television.

Yes, we're made from all walks of life, blah blah blah... Yes, everyone is different, blah blah blah... Yes, you shouldn't make fun of others becuase of their differences, blah blah blah... Oh, get off your high horse, you bleeding-heart, tree-huggin' losers. It's sad. It's mean. It's fucking funny. That's what t.v. stations care about. Ratings. Humor. They depend on your couch-potato ass to give them more money. And how will they do this? By exploiting all the losers that want their 15 minutes of fame. If you're that desperate for some t.v. time, then deal with the consequences.

Call me mean. I never said I was nice.

Girlfriends

There's something to be said about girlfriends. Girlfriends can be catty, bitchy and competitive, but they can also be an ear to hear your whining, unwarented-yet-needed-advice and generally a fun companion when you have to run mindless errands. I had a lot of girlfriends when I was in high school. Considering I went to an all-girl school it was kind of inevitable, but things are way different now. Since I moved into Hell, FL I have surrounded myself with boys. Straight boys, gay boys, boys nonetheless. I keep telling myself it's because I don't have anything in common with any of the girls here and don't get along with them. I don't really know how true that is, but I will tell you one thing: I miss having girlfriends. Although one can say that having gay boys and girlfriends are the same thing, they really aren't. Yes, they're both fun to go shopping with, but you usually can't take the boys into the dressing room with you. Yes, you can talk about your romantic joys and sorrows with both, but gay boys are mostly whores, so the advice isn't the same.

My lack of girlfriends put me into a I NEED CHICK FRIENDS kick last week, so I actually put up a semi-personals ad on a website. I was surprised at the fact that I got quite a few responses from people claiming to be like me in that they weren't into the "Miami Scene" and just wanted someone to hang out with. Quite a few of these girls were from out of state and had just moved here less than a year ago and they all say the same thing: meeting people in Miami is close to impossible. I think young people here are just unfriendly. Unless you've been friends with someone since elementary school, or are part of their family, they don't bother. They don't need you. And, if you're not into the "party" scene it's even worse. At least with the drinking and drugging you can meet people while you're fucked up and may become friends with them. Apparently it's not so easy for us sober folks.

Now, out of the 7 responses I got there are 3 girls that I thought I may get along with. However, after the recent few emails this list has gotten smaller. One of the girls is OBSESSED with how much she just loooooves her boyfriend and how happy she is. Well, thanks. I'm happy for you, but I don't really need to hear it all the time. I don't want to be picky, but I can tell this is something that will get on my nerves. Girl number two is a bit trashy.. she's sarcastic and kind of obnoxious like me, but she's like 30 and still thinks she's a goth. That's just sad. Girl number three is still being evaluated, but I'll let you know how it goes.

As for the Miami school of thought in sticking with the people that have been there forever.. maybe they're right. Maybe there is something to be said for people that have known you for most of your life and have always been there. Through good moments, bad moments and everything in between.. they're there. That's pretty cool.

The Lilith Files

Lilith is a Mesopotamian goddess that became a night demon who was believed to harm male children. She was the boss lady off all incubi and succubi. There's much more to her story, but I won't get into it because it's not the real reason for this post. Quite a few of you know about my little stint as a dominatrix. For those of you that don't, about 5 or 6 years ago (I can't remember specific time frames) I trained to become a dominatrix. I was curious about the profession and found a place in Ft. Lauderdale online. Upon Joey's goading I wrote to them to ask about becoming a slave in their dungeon. They wrote back asking me to come in for an informal interview and asked for my pictures. I went in and met with Cassandra, who explained to me the ins and outs of the job and she asked if I would be interested in training as a potential dom. Really?? Cool! Just like porn stars and strippers have stage names, so Mistress Lilith was born.

This place was cool as hell. It had all the fantasy rooms you could possibly imagine, a Catherine Wheel (now you know where the band got the name), doctor's/surgical room, school classroom, cross-dressing room.. it even had a bed for people to sleep there overnight! You would pay an obscene amount of money to sleep in the dungeon with a mistress. The mistress slept on the bed and you slept in a cage underneath her. It would be bolted shut and there would be security there overnight, so it was safe, but it's still a little creepy. They also had what they called "houseboys." Each mistress had their own boy. Houseboys were men who volunteered to be slaves. They took time out of their own schedules to go there on a daily basis and do the mistress' bidding. The one houseboy I worked with was Hillary (who is not his real name, they were all given female names for humiliation). Hillary wasn't mine, he belonged to Cassandra. In exchange for occasional beatings and more humiliation he did whatever he was told. When I say WHATEVER, I mean WHATEVER. Hillary was the one houseboy that was there all the time. He cleaned up, even after "sessions" with other men who sprayed their spunk everywhere. He bought lunch for Cassandra, he picked up her dry cleaning. Anything. I think I need me one of those now!! Hillary was a very sweet, very timid older gentleman (probably about 50ish). When I started I was supposed to train with Hillary, who was very excited at the prospect. Poor Hillary's fantasy was killed when Cassandra met a young boy online (Chris), who we nicknamed Bunny. Bunny came in and ended up becoming my guinea pig. I whipped him, tied him up, clamped his nipples, etc. I was really into the Japanese Rope Bondage, so I practiced that most. Something about tying a man up completely and kind of cutting off the circulation to his nether regions was appealing. Sick, I know. Eventually Bunny and I ended up dating a bit. "Dating" is a strong word, really.. we just played around some.

But, I digress.. I could recount several stories about men paying ($200 for an hour session) for this treatment, but this post will end up being ridiculously long. So, I will give you one story that really stuck to me: There was a man that came in one day, who was a BIG fan of Cassandra's. She had spent the day in the highest stiletto boots I've ever seen and when he saw then he almost wet his pants right there. Apparently he liked "puppy play" and had a foot fetish. Puppy play is exactly what you're thinking. The man liked to be trained and treated like a puppy. She had him crawling around the floor, fetching things with his teeth, and spanking him EVERYWHERE with a plastic whipy-thing. Then, she brings out a bag of fresh fruit. What the fuck are you going to do with fresh fruit, I thought? Well.. she takes off her boots (which at this point must be STANK) and proceeds to smoosh all the fruit with her bare feet. The man is on his hands and knees panting like a real dog and practically drooling! When she finishes smooshing, she puts her toes in the air and he totally licks the fruit off her feet. I was too shocked to want to hurl. Ew!? This is appealing to people?? I don't get it!? I can kind of understand the humiliation, I can even KIND OF enderstand the puppy stuff, but dirty, sweaty, smelly feet? EWWWW. It doesn't end here, though. After all this treatment Cassandra decided that he was such a good boy that she was going to reward him. By urinating on him. Which is apparently not legal, since this isn't a "strip club" and they aren't supposed to see nudity. So, she blindfolds him, takes him into the bathroom (which had a shower), lays him down in the stall and pees on him. Can I say EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW again?? Dirty feet was gross, but urine?? How could that possibly turn you on?

I guess everyone has their fetish and you shouldn't judge, but I just don't get it. I understand (and like) the pain, I can understand (and like) the domination/submission, I cannot understand humiliation or filth. Dirty feet, urine, feces, blood, where does it end? Ew.

Merry Christmas!!

I never thought I was much of a holiday person. Maybe I was as a child, but as I grew up the novelty wore off and it became more of a chore than anything else. Shopping for gifts, figuring out what to do for dinner, dealing with all your relatives - all at one time... what a pain in the ass. But, then I realized something... for the past 10 years (since I moved into Hell, FL) I haven't felt like I've had a real Christmas. I miss the cold. I miss the snow. I miss having ALL of my family around yelling and screaming over pork and moro. I miss following my older cousins around as if they were the coolest things since peanutbutter and jelly. I miss my silly uncle giving me wet-willies, because he knows how much I DESPISE having wet ears. I even miss my mean, smelly uncle (who has since passed away), who was just a pain in the ass. Although the family I have here is my immediate family, it just didn't seem the same. Our dinners now start early and end early and there aren't many people present. However, even with having less family around, in the past ten years the few of us that are here have created new traditions. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve we go to my grandmas, and have turkey and pork, with all the Cuban side dishes. My grandfather and uncle sit in front of the tv watching some sporting event, while the rest of us gossip and bitch about everyone else in my family who aren't there to defend themselves. Eventually, my cousin waddles his tubby ass over to the old-guy-infested couch to watch sports and we continue in the gossip/bitching, while eating that 3rd peice of Flan that our fat, Cuban asses don't really need. It may not sound like much, but it's our tradition. Moral of the story: traditions change. People change. Life changes. As much as I love my family and being with them for the holidays, if there was an extenuating circumstance or a reason that I couldn't make it to grandma's for a holiday dinner, I think they'd understand and be ok with it. They wouldn't be upset or not speak to me. They'd deal with it and move on. Not being there doesn't mean I love them any less, so they shouldn't love me any less for ditching them one year. I'd love to one day spend Christmas in Paris. Hopefully they won't be upset by this.

On that note, when I grow up and have a family of my own, maybe the tradition can be for my family (and hopefully my husband's) to come to our home to have dinner for some of the holidays. Because, again, traditions change. I guess we'll see..

Stolen Questionaire

This questionnaire is pretty old. I had answered all the questions and saved it, but never went back to it. I'll post it now because I like these questions. They're kinda funny.

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Only one? That's hard. My boss. No, not Joey's mother. I tolerate her. The racist, sexist, Barry White-sounding pig of a boss I have to deal with on a daily basis.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Ashlee Simpson or Kelly Osborne

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Cynthia, my bosses assistant.

4. What is your favorite cheese?
Ricotta?

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
Blimpie's Best, baby!!

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Michael Rosenbaum. Yum.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Christopher Hall, former lead singer of Stabbing Westward, current lead singer of The Dreaming.

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Dinner and a movie with the man.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Greece

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
Buy tourist junk :)

11. A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...?
Mixed drink or a specific alcohol? Mojitos!! Anything other I don't care about, I'm not much of a drinker.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
Back to highschool. Back to the days of no responsibility. Actually, I want to go back to do much better in school. Get a scholarship to some ivy league college and become a rich plastic surgeon.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
No stupid people allowed on my island.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create a half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
Seriously, I can't think of anything for this answer. I'm not that creative.

15. What is your favorite curse word?
Cunt. I use it too often, though. Sometimes I forget who I'm talking to and it's a very harsh and dirty word. Cunt. Yea, I like cunt.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. What do you do?
Scream my ass off. I'm a scaredy cat like that. They'll prolly eat me.

17. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?
My pictures.. but, I have so many!! I may be drowned in boxes and photo albums and scrapbooks before the fire gets me.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Have sex. Then, for the next 25 minutes kill someone. Is that horrible?

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
Invisibility. Not only can I spy on people and know what they say about me, but I can get on a plane and fly anywhere I want for free. If I'm invisible, they can't charge me!

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
The half hour where I got to use a whip and had someone on their knees.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I don't think I need to say it again. Read "Confessions, part deux"

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?
Italy. In a heartbeat.

23. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
Uhh.. don't care if I get banned from all of them.

24. Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"?
Do I have to tell anyone? Can't I just float alone and in peace? And what if I no one I know lives near water? Then it would just be useless.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
Kurt Cobain. I wanna know if Courtney really did kill him.

26. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My stepfather. Can we go back to the question about doing whatever you want for 30 mins before you die? I'd have him gang-raped by 30, very large, very black men.

27. What's your theme song?
Don't Cha by The Pussycat Dolls. Heh. Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Am I Destined to be Evil?

I'M BAAAAAAAAAACK!! I have been swamped for a long time now, between school and work and life. I had put this blog aside. I guess it can be a semi-cathartic release, though. So, I'm back. Right on to our topic of the day:

I have a boyfriend. I think? I have a boyfriend who is divorced and has a child. I used to not like children, however, I don't mind them anymore. They can be cute. My boyfriend's child, however, hates me. He's only 3. I know, I know.. 3 year olds don't know "hate." But, I get the equivelant of 3 year-old dirty looks from him. I know, it's not me, it's the situation. I know I'm new and I'm seen as competition for his father's affection. I know he's loyal to his mother and I'm intruding. I know. I also know that it is VERY hard to try to interact and try to relate to a child that you think hates you. Everytime he sees me I get a frustrated sigh and an unhappy look, followed by a hand on the hip. It is extremely frustrating and hurtful. I know I need to get over it and give it time, but how do you deal with something like this? Am I supposed to be pushy and get in his face and make him like me? Do I back off and just let him get over it? Am I supposed to buy my way into his good graces with toys? It's not about me. I know I need to recite this over and over, but how do you not take it to heart? No one is more honest than a child and no one is more selfish than a child. Well, maybe not no one. I'm pretty selfish.. which makes this worse. But, I'm trying. I'm trying to be ok with his constant need to be with him. I'm trying to be ok with him bringing him up when he's spending time with me. I'm trying to be ok with not being #1 in his life. I cannot compete with his son. But, when I try to be a part of this life, I get shut out and it does hurt. Patience is a virtue I lack and when dealing with this type of situation you need a lot of it. Patience and tough skin. Where can I get in line for some of those?