Some of me in a nutshell..

10 years ago... I was a senior in high school and was preparing to move to Miami (AKA HELL) a week after graduation. My dad met Ana, who was apparently wearing a skirt that was just way too short, and she was forever known as "the girl wearing the short skirt?" That's also the year that my mom went away for the weekend and locked me out of my house. I called a locksmith and had a weekend party where several people lost their virginity and there was an obscene amount of alcohol. I was a demon teenager.

5 years ago... I was still partying and playing way too much. I was living in Hialeah (AKA HELL #2) with my aunt destroying my clothes. She had this really annoying habit of getting bleach stains all over my black clothes. ALL OF THEM. It was quite annoying.

1 year ago... I was extremely depressed!! It took me a while to get over the MS thing. I'm still not completely over it, but I deal with it better now.

Yesterday... I almost ate an entire pizza. I had to stick it in the fridge (I don't like cold pizza) to keep from eating it all. Steroids do make you fat, cuz you don't know when you're full!! I could prolly eat an entire horse and not get the runs.

Today... I had lunch & dinner with my favorite person in the world, which makes me extremely happy. I'm happy most days, but I have my moments of misery.. I'm a little exhausted at my life, but I'm never bored.. that would require time.

Tomorrow... I will wake up at 5:30am and want to shoot myself for not having blow dried my hair today. I'm too lazy to shower and I like the way I smell at the moment.

1 year from now... I will be done with my BPA and applying for several thousand other jobs to get away from my current situation.

5 years from now... I will be over 30. That's scary. Maybe I'll be married with 245456 kids and a minivan? Ick.

5 snacks I enjoy... Peanutbutter Ritz Crackers, Trail Mixes, Yogurt, Sunflower Seeds, Mozzarella Sticks

5 songs I know all the words to... do I admit to this? Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice (shutup, Joey), Mr. jones by Counting Crows, I Wanna Sex U Up by Color Me Badd (shutup, Vickie), Caress Me Down by Sublime, anything Rent, Grease or RHPS.

5 reality television shows I watch... I don't really watch reality tv currently, but I have watched Joe Millionaire, The Swan, American Idol (only the first season), Real World (I was bored a lot), Surreal Life, oh! oh! Celebrity Fit Club. Funny stuff.

5 television shows I watch daily... Law & Order: SVU, Saved By The Bell (because if I have to watch another Natasha Bedingfield video on VH1 I will throw up), Everybody Loves Raymond, 30 Minute Meals, Friends

5 things I would do with $100,000,000... (1) Pay off ANY debt I have, (2) Quit my job and go to school only, until I finish, that is, (3) buy a house, (4) Buy my family nice stuff (5) Buy my friends nice stuff

5 locations I would love to run away to... Italy, Virginia, Texas, San Francisco, Hawaii

5 things I like doing... Reading, scrappin!!, cheesy crafts, spending time with friends/certain family, spending time with my favorite person in the world.

5 things I would never wear... Anything tie-dye, fag-packs, Bermuda shorts, Daisy Dukes, my thong sticking out of my pants/skirt/shorts

5 recently seen movies I like... How recent? Shop Girl, Jarhead, Crash.. I don't make it to the movies often enough to remember any more?

5 famous people I'd like to meet... Christopher Walken, Crispen Glover, Liam Neeson, Angelina Jolie, Ewan McGreggor

5 biggest joys of the moment... Touilmnu, wireless internet, living alone, not obsessing so much about my weight anymore, being comfortable/confident/semi-satisfied with myself and my life.

I tag Ana bananna.

The Ex Files

This may be the longest post in the history of blogs. Feel free to grab a beer and some chips cuz you'll be here a while. I'll wait..

Everyone has that ex.. the one who did something so horrible, or who's breath smelled so bad that they just stand out in your mind and years later that is what you remember about them. This is just a random list of my ex-boyfriends and their or my horribleness. Well, not ALL, just the ones I can remember. And, Joey, you're excluded from this list since you are a reader. I can be nice sometimes. =)

Let's begin with Nelson. Nelson was my first OFFICIAL boyfriend. Nelson and I had a month long relationship where we saw each other once. That one time was at the Galaxy Mall, where we stood in a darkened hallway making out. Nelson was NOT an attractive boy. Thank god it was a dark hallway. Years later I find out that my beautiful cousin, Zuzel, had a crush on him and never told me. I stole my first boyfriend. Just a little glimpse into my future..

Then, a few years later, came Bobby. Bobby dumped me because his friends hated me. Then, a couple of years and a growth spurt in the chest area later, Bobby decided he wanted me back. I took him back. I dumped him 2 weeks later because my friends hated him. Heh. The things we do in highschool..

Colin! Colin was my favorite ex in highschool, he was certainly the cutest. And, he still is quite the looker, unfortunately. Don't you hate that?? When they dump you and you see them years later you want them to be all kinds of fat and unattractive? No, not Colin. He's still good-looking and extremely successful. How annoying. Anyway, Colin dumped me at my good friend's Sweet 16 party. He was eyeing this skinny blond all night and I got mad and told him to not talk to her. I go to the bathroom and when I come back he's dancing with her!! I was so mad, but was prepared to forgive him and not fight about it and then he dumped me. I know what you're going to ask next and no he didn't end up with the blond.. he just didn't want to be with me. Aww.. I'm not still bitter. I took his picture off the voodoo doll last week. I'm over it.

Ryan should get an honorable mention at this point. He wasn't my boyfriend, but he was the boy who stole my virginity. I lost my virginity to the sounds of "Self Esteem" by the Offspring and then was told not to tell anyone it had happened. And you wonder why I am the way I am?? I should be sitting in a therapists office twice a week crying about how my mother never loved me and Ryan shattered my self-esteem.. oh wait, that's what we spoke about in yesterday's session..

In comes John. John was a guido to the max: tight jeans, black, high-top Reboks and all. VERY Italian boy. John was the beginning of my slut phase, I guess? First of all, he was dating a girl I went to school with when I started seeing him. Secondly, I cheated on the poor guy like 4 times? I'm no longer a slut, I swear!! Well, maybe just a little..

After John I moved to Miami and there have been a few guys here and there, most of which have been given nicknames by Joey and I can't even remember their real names anymore. The following is in no particular order:

DUI (driving under the influence), so nicknamed because he had lost his license and was under house arrest because it had happened so many times. I pick the winners, huh? Well, DUI was quite well-endowed, so that kept me around for some time. Maybe I am a slut? The clincher is the fact that his lack of job/transportation are not the reasons for my dumping him. What broke the deal was his alcoholic mother, who after having met/seen me three times before, walked into the living room one day and said to me , "Who the fuck are you??" Uhh.. buh-bye.

Lex Luthor I think came before DUI? Lex was so named for his bald head and tall/skinny frame. Much like most of my boyfriends. I have a thing for bald and lanky. Anyway, Lex was dumped for his chubby-chaser mentality. I was a tubby bitch at that time and he loved that about me and it annoyed the shit out of me. The deal breaker was the day that we were making out on his bed and he asked me to lay on top of him and put all my weight on him. He was like half my size! I could have killed him! I was a chunky butt, but I didn't want to feel like one!

And last, but certainly not least, is a boy who has neither a nickname or a real name. I can't remember it. He is just referred to as, "the one that died?" This boy was a bit of a drug addict and apparently OD'd in his bathtub and drowned. I wasn't with him at the time, or I wouldn't be so nonchalant about it. I don't even know if it's true?! But, he's the reason I don't date boys with long hair. #1, they tend to be potheads and #2, something about their hair being longer than mine is just girly and unappealing. Every time I begin to mention an ex-boyfriend I get the inevitable, "the one that died?"

I hate to admit that this isn't the end of the loser list. There are MANY more. But, you're bored enough at this point. If you've made it this far you're either THAT bored, that amused or love me that much. Either way, thanks!

Aruba, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take ya..

frozen drinks with umbrellas
midnight buffets of hotdogs and hambugers
annoying waiters who really aren't as funny as they think
Victoria's Secret undies 3 sizes too small
drunken Karaoke, in a non-Karaoke bar
not one employee that spoke english
frozen drinks with umbrellas
way too much sun
can you make that a double?
way too much walking
kissing fish
i'm sorry, sir, we don't have any chemistry. can you just let me sing?
dirty snails and moose-ball patte for dinner
have i mentioned frozen drinks with umbrellas?
i'm going to the gym
i'm going to the gym
i'm going to the gym
she never went to the gym
clothing 3 sizes too small
2 shots of Jegermeister (did I spell that right?)
8976755644567980 jack daniels
did someone get fingered in the elevator? ew

These are the highlights of my way too short cruise last week. If you care, here are the pics.

Off With Their Heads!!

I've changed my mind. This post will probably piss most of you off and I apologize for that, but this is ridiculous. I was in support of the Mexican's fight against the new immigration laws in the US because, in reality, this country is made of immigrants. However, in light of recent events, I think that any immigrant in this country that has been here less than 10-15 years needs to be shipped back to their country. Even if that means my recent Cuban family members that jumped off the pick up truck in the middle of the Atlantic need to be shipped back to ration for rice and potatos. I'm sorry!! I'm sorry for saying this, but the harsh reality is that NO ONE can be trusted and I'm sick and tired of reading shit about terrorists planning to attack buildings 20 minutes away from where I live/work. Call me selfish. I am. I don't care. I don't want to be blown up and have little bits of my brain scattered all over 826 (for those of you that aren't Miamians, 826 is a highway). I don't even like 826, I avoid it like the plague. If you're going to scatter my brain somewhere at least blow me up somewhere nice.. like along 395, so I can have an ocean view with boats and mansions.

I don't understand how these extremist religious freaks can justify all the death and carnage they cause in the name of some stupid fucking god?!? If god exists, I seriously doubt that he wants you killing everything he has created. Who do you think you are?? Yes, we're spoiled, selfish, self-absorbed and rude, but you're the assholes spending millions of dollars to buy bombs to kill us!? You can come here and be spoiled, selfish, self-absorbed and rude too!! Why do you need to try to destroy us? Join the party, for christ's sake, don't call the cops on it! Is it jealousy? Are you jealous that our women walk around half naked and give sex away? Are you jealous that we have cars and don't have to get around on smelly camels? Have you seriously tried the Miami-Dade Public Transit System? Trust me, there's no need to be jealous. Instead of focusing all your attention on destroying our lives, maybe you should try to fix your own.

Amen.

Ron Jeremy is sexy!!!

Ick. Not really.

I know I've disappeared. My apologies. I've just been a little busy lately.

This past weekend was the South Florida Porn Convention. 2 hours and a hundred dollars later, I don't have an autograph on my boob to show for it. I am quite disappointed. I would have loved to have Ron Jeremy feel me up and sign my tit. He's a staple in the porno industry. Chubby, short, sweaty, hairy and unattractive, but a staple nonetheless. Oh, well. I'll have to settle for my very 80s porno VHS that has him on all fours servicing some woman with Farrah Fawcett hair. This doesn't appeal to me in the least, it's for sheer comedic value.

As much as I enjoy a good porn like the next guy, I just don't get it. I don't get why women would do that to themselves? How little do you have to think of yourself to get into that kind of industry? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for porn and prostitution (I think it should be legal), I just simply don't get it. Do they really enjoy it? Is it just a job? And I thought my job sucked.

More and more you hear about porn stars that were abused as children, or raped, and that's why they got into it. That I don't get, either. I hear the psychological profiles of abused women (either they don't want to be touched, or they turn into rampant whores) and I don't get the extremes? You would think if a woman got raped they would just retreat and never want to be touched again.. how is it that the opposite happens? Do they just think they deserve that kind of treatment?

On that note, I have to admit that I'm a little curious about Jenna Jameson's book. Having multiple sexual assaults and a fucked up family life made her have sex for money. Well, ok. Whatever floats your boat.

After all the damage is done and they've taken the prize for the most dick sucked in 2 days then they begin to look back at their lives and regret their decisions. All they want is a wife/husband, kids and a white picket fence. Well, isn't that sweet? So, you want to meet some man in the dry cleaners who won't mind bringing you home to meet mom & dad and tell them that you were once the girl who sucked the largest amount of penises in the US? And they are just supposed to accept that without any judgement? Who are you kidding? A few years ago Ron Jeremy did this sappy movie about himself where he boo-hooed the fact that all he wanted was a wife and family and couldn't find anyone outside the porn industry to date him. Well, hello?? Can you really blame them? Other than being deathly afraid of the size of your member, you've also had sex with half the world!! Who wants to be number 5676898955456?

Obsession, infatuation, codependence!! Oh my!

ob·ses·sion n.
1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

in·fat·u·a·tion n.
1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
2. An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

co-de·pen·dent adj.
1. Mutually dependent.
2. Of or relating to a relationship in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way on someone who is addicted to a drug or self-destructive behavior, such as chronic gambling.

Obsession. That's such a passionate-sounding word. Obsession. Is one that is obsessed with something/someone aware of it? I guess not. If you know you're obsessed then you do your damnest to stop these feelings.

Infatuation. Foolish, unreasoning, and short-lived. How short is short?

Doesn't codependence have a little of both? When you're codependent you have an obsessive need for another person, be it foolish or unreasoning. Short-lived would definitely not be the case. A codependent person feels compelled to be in a relationship, regardless of it's dangers or their unhappiness. A fear of being alone. Isn't everyone afraid to be alone, though? Well, "afraid" is a strong word. No one really wants to be alone, but I don't think it's fear. I think most people want to grow old with someone else. Is this codependence, or are we all just bred to need someone else?

I have a friend. Yes, just one. I have a friend who I believe is codependent. She hasn't had MANY relationships in her life, but each one is more destructive than the last. There hasn't been any physical abuse, that I know of, but there's a lot of mental abuse, manipulation and she's taken advantage of. Everytime she gets into the relationship she finds some kind of connection to the person to not allow her to let them go later on. They work together, they have mutual aquaintances, whatever.. there has to be something to hold her there. Then, when she becomes unhappy, and inevitably she does, it's impossible for her to let go. She starts to feel guilty for having these feelings and begins to think, "if I leave him then I won't have such and such anymore..." She's unhappy and doesn't like being with the person, but she stays. She always stays.

I always worry that what I'm feeling about another person isn't really love, but codependence. I had a boyfriend in highschool who I was with for about 2 years (I think). Two years is an eternity when you're 16. I liked him. I don't know if I was "in love" with him. I cheated on the poor boy 4 times. He found out about one of them (now he knows about all of them, but that's another story) and tried to dump me. I say "try" because I went ape shit! He came to my house to break up with me (I remember this vividly) and I had just woken up in undies and a t-shirt. He gave me back some stuff I had given him and walked to his car. I chased him out to his car in undies and a t-shirt!! I cried and cried and cried. He took me back 2 days later. My question is, why did I get so upset?? Obviously I never loved the boy. In fact, there were things about him I downright hated. So, why the obsession? Why the need to be with him? Or, was it a need to be with someone? Here we are 10 years later and I still think about it. I try to be very concious of my feelings, happiness and unhappiness in relationships, because I don't want to make the same mistake.

I don't think I am codependent, but I still think about it. If anything, this situation may have made me too much the opposite? I'm quick to let people out of my life without giving them a second thought. That can't be good either.

Why are you such a megabitch?

I've neglected my blog because, as Ana put it, I have nothing to bitch about at the moment. So, I'm copying hers.

I AM happy, sad and impatient all at the same time. Why can't I control everything?

I WANT to be healthy, happy and loved.

I WISH I didn't take things so seriously all the time. I need to just not care.

I WONDER where I'll be in 5 years? I can't even think about what I need to do next week, let alone that far in the future. I was never one of those people that day dreams about their future.

I REGRET nothing. Life is too short to regret your decisions. Some of them may have sucked, but they made me the person I am today.. for better or worse.

I AM NOT a girly-girl. I live in jeans and sneakers, I RARELY wear a dress. If you see me in a skirt I am probably working.

I DANCE and sing in the mirror to Shakira. I like to pretend I know how to belly dance and know how to shake my ass. I may be living proof that not all hispanics can dance.

I AM NOT ALWAYS right. I think I am, so I need to repeat this phrase to myself from time to time.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS anything from corny scrapbooks, to beaded jewelry to not-so-great paintings. I'm an art geek.

I WRITE to have an outlet for venting my annoyance/anger. Although, the reality is that this blog is somewhat censored. I am not 100% honest about myself or my life.

I CONFUSE the shit out of most people. Mostly because I'm weird.

I NEED a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food. Life sucks right now, so sugar is a comfort. Thank god I don't have any.

I SHOULD be reading my Public Relations textbook. I have a project due on Monday and 4 chapters left to read. Nothing like procrastination...

I START to cry if a commercial is sappy enough. I'm really emotional like that. What a dork.

I FINISH nothing I start. I get bored and give up until months/years later.

I TAG no one.