90s Alter-Ego
"Potential slut". Now where do people get an idea like that about me?
If I were to have a 90s alter-ego I think it would be Rayanne Graff from "My So-Called Life." Only, I didn't dress or look as cool as her. The sluttiness, drinking and drugging may be true, though. I've done a lot more in my teenage years than I care to admit to, which is probably the reason that at 27 I am so old. I was also that bad-influence friend that parents didn't like. Well, not "parents," but a parent. Everyone else loved me, that I know of? Damn that picture.
Were these experiences good? Is that something I could have avoided with better parenting? Should I have avoided them? Are people that didn't drink/drug in their teenage years better adults? Does that really matter? I mean, you only live once, right? Don't get me wrong, I was not as bad as Rayanne.. I was never in need of AA or anything, but I was definitely no angel.
As a parent, should you accept the fact that your teenager will do these things, and just encourage an open relationship with them? Or, should you tell them to say no to drinking/drugs and hope they don't lie to you, and take your advice? Should you be more of a friend, or a parent?
Personally, I know where my poor mother went wrong. She didn't pay enough attention. Money doesn't mean everything, and because I never wanted for anything, she thinks that was what made her a good parent. Not the case. I'm not saying she was horrible, but she should have paid more attention. I appreciate the limos to proms and the DKNY jeans, but some conversations may have been a good idea, too.
All of this fueled a very bad 8 years. From age 15 to about 23 we hated each other. It was non-stop fighting, crying and mean words. Now that I'm old I can appreciate what she went through with me, and I can also see where she went wrong, although I'd never tell her. You can never tell a parent what they did/are doing wrong. Even if they don't think they will be offended, they will be. My mother is now (as corny as this sounds) one of my bestfriends, albeit still a pain in my ass. The moral of the story? Don't have children. Just adopt a 25 yr old.. they are over all the bad stages by then.
I don't mention my father in all of this, because he was never really around. Not because he didn't want to be, but because I didn't let him.. and that has never changed.
posted by gotbrains? at 9:51 AM
2 Comments:
You know, you were not nearly as bad as you make yourself out to be. You were certainly not worse than the rest of us. There are levels to badness and you weren't THAT bad.
Why "that parent" hated you, it wasn't so much the bad influence. At the end it turned out to be jealousy. The attention your mother wasn't giving you, this "parent" wasn't getting.
The sluttiness, the drinking, the drugs, and the parental dislike were all part of our upbringing. No matter how dysfunctional our families were/are the ones who lived up to that word were us.
I think that we would have done it anyway even if our parenting had been perfect. We are not conformists in that way. Sure, it's great to hear stories about things but we were the kind of kids who told stories maybe to compensate, maybe because we made "dysfunctional" look good :P
Parents are parents, friends are friends and deep down, no matter how much our environment and upbringing may influence the kind of person we are today, I am a deep believer in that nature created us and that we are who we are regardless. I probably would have done everything I did just the same had I been born into the Brady Bunch.
I guess you're both trying to say you are who you are, regardless of upbringing. So, just sit back and watch the train wreck happen? Heh.
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