How close is too close?

A couple of posts ago I gave you a breakdown of some of my ex-boyfriends and their worst traits (or mine). In that post I decided not to include Joey, since he is a reader and all.. I wanted to be nice. I'm still not going to get into any details about the kind of person he is or how I was, but I will share one story with you:

Joey and I took a road trip a little while ago. It was a great trip and very well planned I might add (I did the planning). We flew to DC and drove from there to Delaware, Massachussetts, Adirondacks, Rhode Island.. On our way from Delaware to Lake George (Adirondacks) Joey locked the windows in the car and proceeded to FART for about an hour. It was just one after another, TORTURING me with the rank odor that was coming out of his ass. He had binged on way too much pizza the night before, so it was a really special smell. The reason I bring this up is because he did it again the other day. On our way to Starbucks he started pulling the same shit, again having eaten too much pizza the night before. Luckily, this time I opened the window before he could lock it.

Are all relationships doomed to this kind of "closeness?" I guess once you're comfortable enough with each other it's just inevitable. Maybe it also depends on the person? When I was a teenager I was all prim and proper and would NEVER fart in front of anyone, other than my mother of course. That's changed a lot. Now, I don't really care. If I know you well enough you may be exposed. I also had a fear of using public bathrooms.. I didn't like people hearing me do my business. However, now I feel if you gotta go you gotta go. Fuck it. I don't care. I will do courtesy flushes because I would rather people not hear or smell my business, but I will go. However, there is still a limit to this... freeness in me.

I think couples that spend years being married and not do any of the burping/farting in front of each other are missing something. That's just a disgusting part of life that everyone deals with and there is also a disturbing level of intimacy related to it. I so often hear about men not wanting to know any of this stuff about women, "Oh, my wife doesn't poop." Are you kidding?? Yes, she does. She also gets diarrhea once in a while, too!!! Or, how about those women that wake up at the butt-crack of dawn to fix their hair and do their make-up before their significant others wake up and see them "au naturale." Again, are you kidding?? If a person can't accept all of you, in all of your unnatractive, non-makeuped glory, then why bother? They don't really love you. You should always want to look good for your man, but there has to be a limit. We weren't born with mascara and lipstick on. We have our good days and bad days. WE ALL DO. Men aren't always spiffy-looking. They can look messy when they need a haircut and haven't shaved in three days. It isn't all that HOT to look at. Why should women be any different?

I once heard the most amazingly unromantic and sweet quote on "Six Feet Under." An elderly man's wife had just died and he was at the funeral home trying to make arrangements. One of the brothers said something about love and the old man looks at him and says, "Love? You don't know what love is. Love is when you shit your pants in the movie theater and she helps clean you up. That's love." Damn straight that's love.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take a shit.

Cuz you're ugly with a capital U!

Florida's radio station Y-100 has been taken over in the mornings by NY/NJs Z-100. I like it. I think they're funny. They had a conversation the other day about good-looking men. Apparently, good-looking guys don't have to try as hard in relationships as your average Joe. What about really hot chicks? Does it apply for them as well? Do good-looking women not have to try as hard?

They had all these women calling and agreeing that their hot boyfriends get away with a lot just because they're hot. That's so shallow. But, I have one question for these women: what do YOU look like? If you're a hot chick with a hot boyfriend, he's not getting away with shit. It's not like you can't do any better. If you're average or unattractive that's when you're going to put up with crap from an extraordinarily good-looking significant other. That's kind of sad, though. How shallow are we? How sad is it that people are willing to date others for reasons like looks or money? Yea, he/she may look good in a bathingsuit, but how do they treat you? And how much can they really "get away" with? Have you seen the new Rhianna video, "Unfaithful?" That exists!! Is that shallowness on his part or just sheer stupidity? Would you put up with someone cheating on you just because they're hot??

Don't get me wrong, you have to be a little shallow. If there is no initial attraction to the person then you never really bother to get to know them. You have to find something cute/hot about them. But, dating someone JUST BECAUSE they're hot?

I may be the complete opposite. You have to be cute, but you can't be HOT. I couldn't deal with dating a guy better-looking than me. Heh. Not that I'm gorgeous, so these standards are pretty low (heh, just kidding), but I couldn't date Brad Pitt. There would be too much paranoia about them cheating on me with someone better than me. Men, in general, are very physical and visual. Not to mention they think with the wrong head most of the time. I need to be able to trust you and if you're that hot I can't. Not too long ago I was chatting with a hottie weather guy from a local news station who kept asking me to meet. I never did. He was too good-looking. Well, that may not have been the ONLY reason, but that's not the point. The point is: don't want no hot, hot man. I'll settle for an incredibly adorable, smart, sweet, and sexy one. To me, at least. That's all I need. I don't care what you think. ;-)