How close is too close?
A couple of posts ago I gave you a breakdown of some of my ex-boyfriends and their worst traits (or mine). In that post I decided not to include Joey, since he is a reader and all.. I wanted to be nice. I'm still not going to get into any details about the kind of person he is or how I was, but I will share one story with you:
Joey and I took a road trip a little while ago. It was a great trip and very well planned I might add (I did the planning). We flew to DC and drove from there to Delaware, Massachussetts, Adirondacks, Rhode Island.. On our way from Delaware to Lake George (Adirondacks) Joey locked the windows in the car and proceeded to FART for about an hour. It was just one after another, TORTURING me with the rank odor that was coming out of his ass. He had binged on way too much pizza the night before, so it was a really special smell. The reason I bring this up is because he did it again the other day. On our way to Starbucks he started pulling the same shit, again having eaten too much pizza the night before. Luckily, this time I opened the window before he could lock it.
Are all relationships doomed to this kind of "closeness?" I guess once you're comfortable enough with each other it's just inevitable. Maybe it also depends on the person? When I was a teenager I was all prim and proper and would NEVER fart in front of anyone, other than my mother of course. That's changed a lot. Now, I don't really care. If I know you well enough you may be exposed. I also had a fear of using public bathrooms.. I didn't like people hearing me do my business. However, now I feel if you gotta go you gotta go. Fuck it. I don't care. I will do courtesy flushes because I would rather people not hear or smell my business, but I will go. However, there is still a limit to this... freeness in me.
I think couples that spend years being married and not do any of the burping/farting in front of each other are missing something. That's just a disgusting part of life that everyone deals with and there is also a disturbing level of intimacy related to it. I so often hear about men not wanting to know any of this stuff about women, "Oh, my wife doesn't poop." Are you kidding?? Yes, she does. She also gets diarrhea once in a while, too!!! Or, how about those women that wake up at the butt-crack of dawn to fix their hair and do their make-up before their significant others wake up and see them "au naturale." Again, are you kidding?? If a person can't accept all of you, in all of your unnatractive, non-makeuped glory, then why bother? They don't really love you. You should always want to look good for your man, but there has to be a limit. We weren't born with mascara and lipstick on. We have our good days and bad days. WE ALL DO. Men aren't always spiffy-looking. They can look messy when they need a haircut and haven't shaved in three days. It isn't all that HOT to look at. Why should women be any different?
I once heard the most amazingly unromantic and sweet quote on "Six Feet Under." An elderly man's wife had just died and he was at the funeral home trying to make arrangements. One of the brothers said something about love and the old man looks at him and says, "Love? You don't know what love is. Love is when you shit your pants in the movie theater and she helps clean you up. That's love." Damn straight that's love.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take a shit.
Joey and I took a road trip a little while ago. It was a great trip and very well planned I might add (I did the planning). We flew to DC and drove from there to Delaware, Massachussetts, Adirondacks, Rhode Island.. On our way from Delaware to Lake George (Adirondacks) Joey locked the windows in the car and proceeded to FART for about an hour. It was just one after another, TORTURING me with the rank odor that was coming out of his ass. He had binged on way too much pizza the night before, so it was a really special smell. The reason I bring this up is because he did it again the other day. On our way to Starbucks he started pulling the same shit, again having eaten too much pizza the night before. Luckily, this time I opened the window before he could lock it.
Are all relationships doomed to this kind of "closeness?" I guess once you're comfortable enough with each other it's just inevitable. Maybe it also depends on the person? When I was a teenager I was all prim and proper and would NEVER fart in front of anyone, other than my mother of course. That's changed a lot. Now, I don't really care. If I know you well enough you may be exposed. I also had a fear of using public bathrooms.. I didn't like people hearing me do my business. However, now I feel if you gotta go you gotta go. Fuck it. I don't care. I will do courtesy flushes because I would rather people not hear or smell my business, but I will go. However, there is still a limit to this... freeness in me.
I think couples that spend years being married and not do any of the burping/farting in front of each other are missing something. That's just a disgusting part of life that everyone deals with and there is also a disturbing level of intimacy related to it. I so often hear about men not wanting to know any of this stuff about women, "Oh, my wife doesn't poop." Are you kidding?? Yes, she does. She also gets diarrhea once in a while, too!!! Or, how about those women that wake up at the butt-crack of dawn to fix their hair and do their make-up before their significant others wake up and see them "au naturale." Again, are you kidding?? If a person can't accept all of you, in all of your unnatractive, non-makeuped glory, then why bother? They don't really love you. You should always want to look good for your man, but there has to be a limit. We weren't born with mascara and lipstick on. We have our good days and bad days. WE ALL DO. Men aren't always spiffy-looking. They can look messy when they need a haircut and haven't shaved in three days. It isn't all that HOT to look at. Why should women be any different?
I once heard the most amazingly unromantic and sweet quote on "Six Feet Under." An elderly man's wife had just died and he was at the funeral home trying to make arrangements. One of the brothers said something about love and the old man looks at him and says, "Love? You don't know what love is. Love is when you shit your pants in the movie theater and she helps clean you up. That's love." Damn straight that's love.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take a shit.
posted by gotbrains? at 10:26 PM
3 Comments:
I think that this is probably my favorite ones out of all the posts you have written. It makes perfect sense.
But I don't think that you can generalize because everyone's different. I don't believe in symbiosis and I think that some things in life are meant to be private and some are better left a mystery. For example, I am just not the kind of person who would go around broadcasting that I need to take a shit, regardless of the level of closeness and comfort. But if I need toilet paper or I need Imodium, I don't hesitate to ask for it.
"Love? You don't know what love is. Love is when you shit your pants in the movie theater and she helps clean you up. That's love."
I agree. I don't think it's love though when you are okay with someone making you smell their farts for hours in the inside of a car. I don't think one thing has anything to do with the other. YOur quote is based on need, your car experience with JOey is based on his desire to torture you.
If somebody loves you, they should love you, dirty haired, bodily functions and all. But does that really mean that just becuase you knwo that they love you anyway, you should take advantage?
Absolutely fucking hilarious! And, in your own unique way, somewhat poignant. The same sorta poignancy found in Kevin Smith's latest film, "Clerks II" (highly recommended).
In all seriousness, that level of comfort is freeing, and it's nice to have that kinda relationship with someone where you don't have to hold in your farts or hope to God that when you have raging diarrhea, it isn't too loud or leaves a deadly odor. For the most part, however, I just loved seeing and hearing your reaction to that sorta thing. The way you reacted to those farts in the car was priceless.
But don't play innocent. You've had your moments... like when you came outta the bathroom and demanded that I check out the huge turd you left in the toilet.
And I did. It was the fucking Titanic in there!
Excellent post....personally I draw the line at shitting with the door open, but I'm not really disturbed by someone else shitting with the door open (aside from the smell of course). Oddly enough, I find that having a guy burp in my face to be the nastiest thing ever.
Also, that Six Feet quote really resonated with me when that episode aired. That is the most perfectly illustrated expression of unconditional love that I've ever heard. I think they should introduce that as a question on the eHarmony questionaire. "Are you the type of person that would stand by your partner if they shat their pants in a public place?" I would answer with a booming YES!
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