Go home, tourist!!

Today was a prime example of why I loathe South Beach as much as I do.. with the exception of Lincoln Road, which isn't as bad as the rest of the beach. I got there at about 5pm to go to the MAC store and do some makeup shopping. I didn't even look at the store, or look for parking. It took me 1 hour to get home. It took me 1 damn hour to drive less than 50 blocks.

When you go to NYC, do you not look both ways before crossing the street?? Do you not pay attention to the lights?? NYers will run your ass over, no question. Why is it when you come here you just saunter across the street without a care in the world, when there are cars trying to pass?? Why can you not wait your turn?? Why must you be on a cell phone paying even less attention? Will it take one of us corny Floridians running your ghetto ass over in order for you to pay attention?? If so, I will gladly take one for the team.

Scooters. Whomever invented scooters needs to be hung by their toenails with rusty hooks. They are the most heinous invention on the planet. Do you think you're in Europe?? Do you think you are driving a Harley?? I love the ghetto boys, with the gold teeth, that drive them in packs. The neon green/yellow scooters that look oh-so-manly!! Do you not see how queer you look driving around with your 5 friends in matching scooters!! Why don't you all wear matching chaps while you're at it!

Bleach and fake tits. First off sweetie, frosting is so 1990, are you kidding me? Secondly, when you're running across the street and your tits aren't bouncing with you, we know their fake. At least spend the money on a good surgeon.

Upturned collars. What's with the 15 yr olds from Podunk, Idaho wearing their cute little Polo shirts with the collars turned up? Are we a rebel?? Are we having a James Dean moment?? Do you even know who James Dean is? Wear your shirt the proper way. You don't look cool, or even remotely rebel-like, you just look like mommy didn't dress you properly this morning.