F%#^& this %^$## !!

"If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host."

I admit that the following post is pretty self-absorbed, as if you care about any of it, but it's my blog, so bite me.

Yvette's Top 5 Worst Qualities:

5. Cursing. I curse. A lot. I have the mouth of a fucking trucker. Kiss my fat ass.

4. Low tolerance. I have low/no tolerance for many things: bad drivers, chick drivers (which are really one in the same), stupidity, ebonics, non-english speaking people in the USA under the age of 60, walkie-talkie cell phones (Nextel?) I don't really give a rat's ass about you or your sad life, people that go grocery shopping and stand in the middle of the isle not bothering to be considerate of others needing to go by..

3. Loudness. I'm Cuban/Sicilian, that comes with the territory. When I am passionately speaking about something I tend to get a little loud and/or angry-faced. It's not directed at you, but it may come across that way.

2. I wear my emotions on my sleeves. If I'm sad, you'll know it. If I'm happy, you'll know it. If I hate you, you'll know it. Needless to say, I'm not much of an ass-kissing, networking type of person.

2. IDRGAS. I suffer from a very complicated disease called "I Don't Really Give A Shit." I don't care about the mundane. If you tell me you have an appointment on Tuesday at 8am, to get the rash on your ass checked out, I will more than likely call you at that exact moment. I forget. More importantly, I don't really give a shit.

2. Impatience. I'm very impatient, especially if it's someone, err.. something that I REALLY want.

1. I don't like anyone. You know how you're guilty until proven innocent? Same with me, you're an asshole until proven otherwise.

(Yes, I know I repeated #2, I just don't want to admit that there are more than 5 bad qualities)

I considered adding "The top 5 Most Endearing Qualities," however, they were really hard to think of. I can easily give you my worst qualities, but the good ones are more difficult to say without sounding like an arrogant bitch. Besides, the only people that read this stupid thing already know me, so you know why you love me. =)

I Wanna Sex U Up

"Come inside take off your coat I'll make you feel at home. Now, let's pour a glass of wine cuz now we're all alone. I've been waiting for you girl just let me hold you close to me, cuz I've been dying for you girl to make love to me."

Don't you think Color Me Badd was way before its time? What a talented bunch.

It's a cruel fact of nature that orgasms require concentration. I think we should all have been made to just walk down the street and if the wind blows the right way, we get a nice surprise. Well, that may make things a little messy for men, so just women should be that way. We shouldn't have to think about it too much, or get screwed by distractions, like the fucking headboard hitting the wall so hard that you're afraid your neighbors will either (a) think you're being killed, or (b) think you're a super tramp. Ahh.. they're just jealous. They wish they could have ass-slappin', headboard-rockin', back-scratchin' sex. We all do. ;-)

While I'm at it, vibrators should be made more quiet. Maybe I have a cheap one, but when it's got new batteries that little bastard is loud. I have to keep my iPod blaring, because my walls are so thin.

I have this hottie german neighbor. We'll call him Gunter. When I first moved in, Gunter asked me out. I was excited, hottie german neighbor wants to go out with me. So, we went on our date and it was.. ok. We went to see "King Kong" and then I ate, because he had eaten before we went out. Top three problems with Gunter:

1. He's poor. Not that I'm materialistic, but when you have to eat before a date, so you don't spend money on food you're too poor for me.

2. He's a party person. He's my age, so there wasn't an age problem, but I'm a lot older in personality than I am in age, I guess? He's all into partying, clubbing and techno music. So not me. I like quiet. Movies, dinners, hanging out with friends, etc.

3. He's foreign. I have no problem with foreigners, especially hot, german ones. However, there wasn't that pop-culture thing in common that you would have with someone of your own age group that is American. It's just a completely different lifestyle over there. Oh, I should mention, he is VERY german.. as in, has only been here since last summer.

So, given all these things, do you think we had a good time? Not really. It wasn't TERRIBLE, but it wasn't great, either. There were long periods of silence followed by me saying, "What??" 39078897 times because his damn accent is so thick I can't understand him. I thought the feeling was mutual, since I hadn't seen him for over a month after we went out. We hadn't even passed each other in the hallway. Well, it just so happens that Gunter and I meet in the lobby of the building yesterday afternoon. We chatted politely for a few minutes and then he asked me out, again?! Are you insane?? We barely spoke the first time?! Why would you want to go out with me, again?? I wouldn't ask me out, again! I gave him some sad excuse about studying constantly and not having much of a life. I feel bad. Maybe I'm delusional? Maybe he's just desperate for friends and just wants me to introduce him to cute chicks? Either way, don't shit where you eat, or in this case, sleep.

Who Will Save My Soul?

You ever do something you know is completely wrong, but you can't help doing? Then, you become addicted and, you're in over your head. You know that stopping is the best thing you can do, and will save you and your miserable soul, but you can't seem to want to save yourself from this potentially self-destructive behavior... you just sit back and enjoy the ride, even if it leaves you in shambles at the end.

Jack of all trades, master of none...

At the supermarket last night I overheard a mother talking to her very dorky teenage daughter about a grade she had gotten on a paper she wrote. Apparently, the girl isn't the best writer, so she got a B on her paper. I think a B isn't too bad. The mother thought otherwise. She wasn't mean, but she made it clear that she was disappointed in this and that the girl had to try harder.

I always want something better. Someone better, something better, I can always do better. Not necessarily better than you, just better, in general. But, your opinion will matter, of course. I care too much about what other people think. I think it's the cuban in me. "What will the neighbors think??"

I've also aways been a 'jack of all trades and master of none.' I do things well enough not to suck, but not excellent. I draw, I paint, I'm crafty, I cook, I (sort of) write. I do not excel at any of these, I do them well enough to be noticed. I get good grades, not necessarily because I am smart, but because I memorize. I memorize enough to do well for the moment and then it's all gone the next day.

I was never one of those people that knew what they wanted to be a zoo keeper from age 5. I have never been interested enough in anything to want to make it a career, and at the same time, everything has always interested me. I've changed majors more times than I care to admit (yes, I am still in school, bite me). This time I hope to stick with what I've chosen. Why have I chosen this particular major? Because I want to be better. I want to have a life better than what I currently have. Not that my life is terrible, I really can't complain, but I'm never satisfied. I always have to push myself farther and with a degree I can make more money. Money is a big factor. It's not that I'm particularly interested in the government or computers, but it makes a decent living and that concerns me. I want to be comfortable. I don't need to be loaded, just comfortable.

Will this be the case all the time? With career? With life? With love? What if I get married and/or have kids? Am I going to want to trade them in for something better later on? Will I be one of those horrible parents that is never satisfied with their kids or their abilities? Fuck, I hope not.

Not Married with Children

"All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit."

"If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?"

"I am NOT in denial."

"Love Stinks" wasn't a particularly good movie, but I can't help thinking how close to reality it actually is. The woman chases the guy, beating him into submission and her only goal in life is to be married, all the while he is running for his life. Are we all bred that way? Men are brought up to want to 'play the field' and have fun and women just want to meet that one penguin and spend the rest of their lives popping out babies and worshipping their husbands?

That's sort-of the way I was raised. I was told to go to school, get an education and a good job.. be independent. But, with a subliminal message of "GET MARRIED!! GET MARRIED!!" Now, that I'm 27 and haven't really lived with immediate family (namely, mom) for a few years I notice something a little annoying: Whenever I have a boyfriend my family feels better. My mother doesn't call me as much, my grandmother doesn't worry as much. Now that I'm alone, I get phone calls from both parties 545657 times a day and my grandmother calls me crying about the latest rape victim she heard about on the ever-so-exaggerated hispanic news. What happened to get an education, be independent?? Now, I need a man in my life to take care of me? I need a man in my life so they feel I'm 'safe' and leave me alone?

Lately, my mother has gotten into the grandbaby kick, too. I have to give her a grandkid, married or not. And, if it isn't married, what then? Is the child destined to be more screwed up than normal? Are children of divorce that bad? I'm a child of divorce and I couldn't be more happy about that. Thinking about having had to live with my father for 18 years makes me cringe. Should people 'stay together for the kids?' Is 18 years of miserable unhappiness really worth the mental health of the child, when inevitably you will screw them up? You want the best for your child, but at what expense?

Take it from the poster child of divorce, it's not that bad. We'll get over it. It's better than watching you fight for 20 years, or resent each other for longer.

The Ghost In You

A man in my shoes runs a light
and all the papers lied tonight
but falling over you
is the news of the day
Angels fall like rain
And love - is all of heaven away

Inside you the times moves
and she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade
Inside you the time moves
and she don't fade

A race is on
I'm on your side
And here in you
my engines die
I'm in a mood for you
Or running away
Stars come down in you
and love - you can't give it away

Inside you the times moves
and she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade
Inside you the time moves
and she don't fade

Don't you go
it makes no sense
when all your talk
and supermen
just take away the time
and get in the way
Ain't it just like rain
And love - is only heaven away

Inside you the times moves
and she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade
Inside you the time moves
and she don't fade

This song reminds me of you.

Office Space

"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

Office Space was such a good movie.

Did you know that the concept of "age discrimination" is only written for older people? It isn't illegal for someone not to hire you because you're too young. In fact, I think it's a rule, law, or something, that the president cannot be younger than a specific age. Just because you're old(er) does not mean you're useless and can't do a job well. Just because you're young doesn't mean you're ignorant or flighty. It works both ways, people!!!

I've never had a problem with age discrimination, as far as attaining a job. Well, not that I know of, but then again, most of my jobs have been clerical-type positions, which younger people usually occupy. However, I do have a problem with a co-worker. One of my co-workers is someone I've known since I'm about 19. She is actually my ex's mother. Before I worked with her we got along really well. Since working together I have never been so annoyed by anyone more in my life. Probably because we didn't speak all that often. Our relationship consisted of me eating her food and closing myself in her son's room for hours on end. Well, the problem I have now is because she's older and has known me from my goth-punk days 10 years ago, she thinks she's the boss of me. We both hold the same title and pay. I've actually had the job longer, so you might say I have more seniority. Not to mention, I have way more education. But, she still thinks, or kisses ass, like she's one of the bosses. I have to be polite. I can't tell her off, like I want to do on most days, but how am I supposed to deal with her? I try to avoid her as much as possible, but this is a weird situation where we're supposed to be a very close-knit division. How do you politely tell someone to back off and to stop being such a raging pain in the ass??

We had a meeting today to look at some software changes that we need to know about. She went into the room and just took over!! "Please leave the screen shots on MY desk.." or "I'LL change the manual to show that.." Is she kidding me?? She's about as technical as my big toe. Not to mention I'm the one who created everything and now she's taken it upon herself to edit it. Well, good job, lady. You can insert periods and commas really well!!

In this damn office I've quickly learned that networking and ass-kissing are two very necessary evils. I bust my ass and go well beyond my job description when necessary, but the only people to get recognized are the ass kissers (read above). Ass kissing and age are the important things around here. Everyone assumes because I'm younger, she knows more. Everyone assumes because she's such a fake person, and great at ass kisser, that she's more important. Everyone assumes that she's the boss of me. SHE'S NOT, DAMNIT! I quit.

I'll stop bitching now.

Vegetarian, Vegan.. how do they do it??

I'm usually opposed to New Years resolutions because, well, they don't work. Most people promise to eat better or lose weight, go to the gym more often. What this really means is the organic grocery store and the local gym are packed the whole month of January, then die down the rest of the year. However, this year, I gave myself a resolution.

My father is a Jesus-freak, vegan, conspiracy-theorist, Sicilian. Makes sense, right? Well, if my multiple tattoos aren't sending me straight to hell (being the mark of the devil and all), then McDonald's was my downfall as a child. Apparently, I ate too much fast food as a child, which is why I now have MS. This coming from a man who I have barely seen since I was about 5 is hysterical. Not to mention the fact that thousands of scientists around the globe have yet to figure out what really causes MS, but my Dr. Dad knows all. This all seems like pointless info but, there is a point, I swear:

My New Years resolution this year was to become a vegetarian for 6 months and if I could hack it without wanting to kill myself, or some poor, unsuspecting cow on N.W. 25th Street, then I would go full vegan. The purpose? Dr. Daddy seems to think that if I become a vegan it will cure all that ails me. Suddenly, my MS will disappear. Forget all the studies that have been done, forget the lack of research in this area, forget the fact that holistic medicine/food isn't a proven science. Forget the fact that there are millions of children that LIVE OFF OF fast food (and I was NOT one of them, if anything too much Cuban food was my downfall) and they are fine. If I become a vegan, I will be cured. Ok, dad, I will try. I figure one of two, potentially good, things will happen: either (a) I will not be cured and I can prove him wrong and tell him to leave me alone, or (b) it actually does work and I am cured. Either way, I win.

I'm still on month one. I've been ok so far, I haven't had really intense cravings for any animals. But, I've noticed something not good about this whole thing: in my quest to "cure" my MS I have been eating really terribly! I spend so much time and energy trying to avoid animal fat that I end up eating too much junk food. I eat a tiny salad for lunch, go to school starving and end up eating pretzels or a snack bar. I'm not normally a junk food person, but I can't help it! Being a vegetarian requires too much time, which is a luxury not afforded one with a full-time job who goes to school full-time, as well. I get home most days at 10pm, if I'm lucky, do you really think I want to make food?? No. I want to pass by Boston Market and get an Asian Chicken Salad, or go to Subway and order a Turkey sandwich on whole wheat, with no mayo. Although, both of these places are technically "fast food," my choices aren't horrible. I don't mind cooking, when there is time. I have no time for such things. How am I supposed to be a vegetarian with no time? I know there are frozen vegan entrees you can buy, but doesn't this sort of defeat the purpose? If all the chemicals in our foods are what's making us sick, then frozen foods can't be good, tofu or not.

Any vegetarians/vegans want to help??

The San Francisco treat!

For those of you that don't know, or care for that matter, I was just in San Francisco. Last Wednesday I flew to San Francisco, having never been here before. I have created this blog because, well.. I'm a dork. Also, so everyone can see pictures before I've done my cheesy scrapbook by the year 2010. School/work/love/life keeps me a little busy.

However,since I'm told bitching is what I do best, let me begin this with my flight. It was hell. There should be a child-free airline. I would totally pay extra money to know that I will not be sitting near screaming, crying children. Now, the fat lady that takes up 2 seats, or the large man that doesn't seem to know what deodorant is, that's fair game. If you get stuck with one of those, just deal with it. Children, however, are another story. I was stuck with 2 kids kicking the back of my seat and screaming the entire 5 hour flight. No amount of dirty looks to the parents could make them control the nose-pickers. In fact, it may have made them worse. In these instances, I blame the parents. Is your child that spoiled that you can't make them stop screaming bloody murder?? When I was a kid all it took was a look. I didn't have to hear a word, I just got 'the look' and it was all over. But, I guess this goes back to that whole hitting your child thing and the legalities if it. Personally, I think a spanking never hurt anyone. I was spanked and I'm not crying abuse. Just beat the little bastards. Just kidding!! Wouldn't I make a great mom??



Anywho, so we begin our journey in the Argonaut Hotel, which is AWESOME. I cannot tell you how glad I am that I picked this place. It is the cutest hotel I have ever seen. Not to mention the great location! We were at the end of Fisherman's Wharf, right next to Pier 39. Lots of shopping, lots of food, lots of new credit card charges. The weather was fantastic. as well! No rain and/or flooding, thank you. Talk about perfect timing?!



We did one of those cheesy city tours the first day we were there and saw the Golden Gate Bridge & Park, the Full House house which people were way too excited about. John Stamos doesn't really turn me on. We drove by Haight and Ashbury (did I spell that right?), but didn't stop. Personally, I think the tour bus driver may have been a little scared of the hippies. She kept on pointing out random punks on the street, meanwhile there was a pink haired girl on the bus.



The reason behind this random trip was because my mother's neighbor had a family wedding to attend (most of her family is there, including her son). She invited us to tag-along, sort of. However, we stayed in Fisherman's Wharf and they were in San Jose, which is about an hour's distance. We were invited to the wedding, which we declined, but I was interested in going to the Henna Ceremony (they are from Pakistan). I figured it'd be different, and seeing as I don't have any other Indian friends I would probably not have this chance, again. The Henna Ceremony is a traditional ceremony before the actual wedding where the bride's hands and feet are painted with henna, as well as guests at the party. It's supposed to represent virginity and keep away the evil eye or something? Traditionally, this is an all female event (kind of like a bridal shower), so eventually, the men were kicked out and the families perform/dance/sing for the brides. It's really cute.





Next, it's off to Alcatraz. We took the ferry over and it was cold as hell. In case you don't know, Alcatraz is a former military/federal prison where people like Al Capone were held. It's its own little island right off Fisherman's Wharf. Most of the jail has been preserved and it's a big tourist attraction. You hike up to the jail about half mile and they have headphones for those stupid self-guided tours. It was creepy and kind of depressing, but interesting. I can't imagine what it's like living in a teeny cell for years and years. Apparently, Alcatraz was one of the only jails that allowed the inmates hot water for showers. The idea behind that being that they would acclimate to the hot water and not be able to swim in the bay without freezing to death. Lovely.



We also went to the Winchester Mansion in San Jose. The House was built by the heiress of the Winchester rifles, who was told by a psychic that ghosts were haunting her because of the many people killed with Winchester Rifles. So, she created this bizarre house to "trick" the ghosts, building doorways and stairs that lead to no where and had construction going on the house for 38 years straight. It's a huge place with a million rooms and stairs, all kind of small. Apparently Mrs. Winchester was only 4'10".




You can't go to San Fran without going to Napa Valley, so the wine tasting is next. I was labeled designated driver before I had a chance to argue, so you don't see me drinking. We went to Duckhorn (I think?), Coppola and some other place I can't remember the name of. It's a beautiful drive and the vinyards are gorgeous, but again, don't take the kiddies. It's pretty boring if you're not into wine. We actually bought some food and had a little picnic at one of the vinyards, and everyone finished off a bottle of wine. Drunken losers. Yes, I'm jealous.



Last thing I'll bore you with is the Japanese Tea Gardens. We did go to more places, but you'll have to ask me to see the pictures. The JTG is in Golden Gate Park and isn't all that exciting, unless you like pretty stuff. It's really picturesque and cute, with all it's plants and structures, but don't take the kids. It's boring.

And that is the end of our short San Francisco tour!!