Anger Management 101

Life is too short to be so angry and annoyed all the time. All of you know, ad nauseam, that I have issues when it comes to my place of employment. Yesterday some stuff really got to me, and that got to me. I hate that I am so angry about stuff. I hate that I can't seem to just let things go. Life is short. I want to enjoy what little I may have left (morbid, I know, but no one knows when they'll die!!) with my friends/family and not worry and obsess so much over stupidity. A perfect example of this is my tourett's-syndrome driving. Have any of you ever been on the phone when I drive? Or, even in the car with me?? I'm quite angry and may sound like I have tourett's syndrome, cuz the curses just roll off my tongue CONSTANTLY. It doesn't help that people around here can't drive, but why can't I just let it go? It's not worth the aggravation.

In an attempt to curb my stress/anger issues, I spent my Friday night in the self-help aisle of Barnes N Noble. Sad, I know. I bought 2 books to read in the next week (before school starts, again): "Stress Management" and "The Disease To Please." The second book is to help with my "yes" girl attitude. I want to be selfish and not do things to please other people all the time. I have a hard time saying no. Which, if you think about it, makes no sense? I'm angry, annoyed, stressed and I can't say no. How does that work? I'm a walking contradiction.

I haven't started my books, yet. I'm about to go to Starbucks for a comfy couch, a non-fat latte and a sugar-filled cupcake. I know, more contradiction. Don't try to analyze me. You'll get a headache.

Wish me luck.

Things you should have learned as a child...

It's "Bring Your Nosepickers To Work" day!! The sound of children's laughter fills the air and I feel like throwing up.

Are there things that you should have learned as a child, but never did? Like, you still can't seem to share your toys? I was a spoiled/sheltered brat as a child. I shopped at Bloomingdales and ordered ice cream sundaes to be delivered to me by a little asian man on a bike in the middle of December (I'm from NJ, remember?).

I can't ride a bike. The first thing that comes to mind on this topic is the fact that I cannot ride a bike. I just never learned. I was put on training wheels and never got off of them. I think it was mostly a paranoia of falling, because the one phrase I can clearly remember from my family as a child was, "Cuidado, te vas a caer!" (For the gringos: "Be careful, you'll fall!")

I can't cook. Well, I try to cook, but I'm not that good at it. I'm the queen of the recipe, though. I can follow directions, and measure 1/4 teaspoons, like nobody's business!! Coming from a Sicilian/Cuban family, you'd think I would have learned to make something! Rice and beans, tomato sauce.. something! But, alas, I cannot cook. I'm a hell of an eater, though!! I can make a mean bowl of cereal without a recipe, too!!

Good study habits!! I'm the worlds biggest procrastinator. I will take an internet class, do NO work for 2 months, then read 15 chapters the week before the final. Luckily, I have pretty good short-term memory, or I'd be screwed. I always yell at myself at 3am the night before the test, but I continue to do the same thing. Don't ask me what I learned in Administrative Law this semester.. that final was last week, so it's all gone by now.

Sex. I don't think my mom ever had a 'birds & bees' talk with me. I still wait for the stork to drop off my baby on my doorstep.. or, do I have to married first? We just never discussed the topic AT ALL. Maybe if we had spoken about sex I wouldn't have been such a hoochie in high school?? Maybe not..

Shaving. For some reason my mother hadn't mentioned anything about shaving my legs to me until I finally asked her about it.. in like 8th grade. Little did I realize that everyone was making fun of me and my hairy legs all through middle school. As if the coke-bottle glasses and larger-than-life lips weren't enough to get me called names, but then I was hairy, too. Damn you, mother.

Stupid Girls

I'm reading this book, "Female chauvinist Pig" by Ariel Levy. It's about the rise of female "raunch culture" and, in a way, the de-moralization of society today. With DVDs like "Girls Gone Wild" and the rise of the pornography industry, are women really feeling 'liberated' by being able to enjoy/pursue these endeavors, or is this just another ploy to impress the men and turn them on? Is it really liberating to you to be showing butt-cleavage and have your tits hanging out of your shirt? To go wild in (female) strip clubs? To flash your tits, ass, or worse yet, masturbate on camera just for a t-shirt or hat? That's pretty pathetic, if you ask me. If you're going to videotape me going to town, (a) it's either for private home use, or (b) you better be payin' me some serious money. That's tantamount to being in a porno! Only, they get a little more than a GGW hat to sport.

Is it really 'liberation' that women feel, or is it that the morals in our society have gotten so low that all the sex and raunch is second nature and not a shock, anymore? Back in the day porno was taboo, strip clubs were taboo, and nowadays there are porn stars in MTV music videos, there are stripper aerobics classes offered at your local gym (which I've taken and I must say is pretty cool), and Jenny McCarthy is writing books on child-rearing. Have men somehow tricked us into thinking that this is women's lib and feminism at its core, for their own amusement?? That's some pretty cool 'women's lib' when you can learn to be a stripper for your man! You, too, can get a lapdance for $20, while your man watches! Wow.. you're such a feminist. Our sisters of the bra-burning era would be so proud to see you strut your stuff in a mini-skirt that shows off the bottom of your ass-cheeks. You go, girl! That's showing them! Oh, wait.. you mean the men like it? Well, how about you walk around with your belly exposed and a cute little butterfly navel ring? That will surely show them!! Oh, wait.. you mean they like that, too?? Well, fuck.

How about we stop shaving?? Grow your armpit hairs so long that you can braid them!! Let's bring back the 70s afro-bush! Well, that one may be my own personal laziness talking, but you know what I mean. You pretend empowerment in being able to wear what you want, but there's a hidden agenda. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a man-bashing, feminist. I like the penis as much as the next girl, but must we give it up/show it off so easily? What ever happened to leaving something to the imagination? Whether it be the clothes you wear, or admitting that you like watching Jezebelle Bond on a daily basis? I admit, I'm guilty of being a stupid girl, too. My question is, why? Why do we do it?

Can I hear your heartbeat?

This is for no one.. I just thought it was cute!!

You ain't representin'!!! You ain't keepin' it reeeal!!

So, I went to Sunset Senior High School this morning. I had some work-related things to do there, I wouldn't just voluntarily show up at a high school for no reason. As I walk through the entrance and see all the kids milling out of school buses and mommy's BMW I am thinking one thing: Thank god I'm not in high school, anymore.

First of all, when did these kids get so 'adult?' High school kids don't look like high school kids, anymore. They're like mini-adults with short skirts, too much makeup and Prada purses. For this reason alone, I'm glad I went to an all-girl, private school. No Prada, no Guess, just pleated, plaid skirts and knee-socks. You need to be worrying about your education, not what season D&G sunglasses Michelle is wearing today. Fuck, did I just say all that?? I'm old.

Secondly, more than ever today I realize I have no tolerance for 'fake ghetto.' Sunset isn't a RICH area, but it's not the ghetto. There are nice houses and cars all around. So, where do these 'ghetto' kids come from?? Are the streets of Sunset like growing up in the streets of Compton?? Do you have to pack a 9 in your Scooby-Doo lunchbox to go to school because you fear for your life? No, I don't think so. Mommy drops you off in her nice Lexus, while your ass-crack showin', sideways cap wearin', $300 Nike stylin', fake-ghetto ass does that corny walk down the halls like one of your legs was shot. Pull ya fucking pants up, straighten out your damn hat, and stop walking like my dog did after a car ran over it's paw. You're not in the ghetto and you're not fooling anyone, punk.

I love...

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens.. Brown paper packages tied up with strings.. These are a few of my favorite things.."

I love rain & thunder, especially when I'm at home, in my pj's, feeling all kinds of lazy.

I love the feeling I get when I finish cleaning my apartment and it looks all pretty, shiny and yummy-smelling. I don't like the actual process, though.

I love really scruffy and scrappy puppies. The ones that have long, messy hair. But, I'm allergic to them, so don't buy me one.

I love work. Bizarre, yes. I love being at work and feeling like I've accomplished something good, instead of surfing the net and writing blogs.

I love hanging out with my corny family. As much as I bitch about having to attend family functions, I like sitting there talking trash about other family members and their spouses.

I love the way you look, freshly showered, with my towel around your waist.

I love having to pack for a vacation!! I also like having to pack to come back home.. after a few days I start to get home sick and wanting my silly life back.

I love cooking a really good meal that people actually like. Please, compliment me! Unless I burn the French Toast, which is never good.

I love eyes. What's that saying? Eyes are the windows to your soul? Very true.

I love Michael Rosenbaum. Ok, that doesn't really go with this post, but I do love him!!

I love sitting around with my friends, playing board games. Bars and clubs are cool on occasion, but I'd rather sit around and chat.

I love crafts! I never have time for it, but I love to make stuff. I like being a big geek.

I love reading other people's blogs. Everyone else's life always seems so much more interesting than mine.

I love being alone. Sometimes I just love sitting home on a Friday night, doing laundry and watching "Conviction." Does that make me a loser?

Lastly, I love Color Me Badd. And, Chicago. Sad, I know. Someone shoot me. If the one above this doesn't make me a loser this one definitely will.

PS: I don't love "The Sound of Music," the song just seemed appropriate.

Questionaires galore.. oh my!

So, I normally hate these things, but I found this on a myspace post and I'm bored. I don't like when people answer these things, then repost them for the world to see on myspace. It's corny. =)

Since some of these questions have to do with the "Top 8," here they are:
Zuzel
Armando
Joey
Ana
Jose
Eric
Vickie
Amanda

1. WOULD YOU GET BACK WITH YOUR EX IF YOU COULD?
Which one? I have a few. But, no. Not at the moment.

2. WHAT KIND OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Striped, button-down shirt. I'm at work.

3. HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIEND'S LIST?
Yes. I also lived with him for 2 years.

4. DO YOU HAVE "A THING" FOR ANYONE ON YOUR TOP 8?
Zuzel.. she's hot. She's into the incest, too.

5. HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
All of them.

6. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT TO HAVE?
At the moment, none. I don't know what the future will bring.

7. DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS?
No. I love my mommy. I dislike my daddy. In fact, I haven't spoken to him in months..

8. DO YOU MAKE OVER 40K A YEAR?
Yes. What a shallow question.

9. WHAT NAME WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE BESIDES THE ONE YOU HAVE?
Natalie. I notice that most Natalie's are hot. I wanna be hot.

10. WOULD YOU EVER MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX?
Of course. I think I have? =)

11. WHAT IS YOUR MOTHER'S NAME?
Gisela

12. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BDAY?
Nothing, actually. I may have gone to dinner, or something? I don't even remember? Birthday's become a haze after you pass 22.. I do remember getting a really sweet card from someone, though.

13. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
The Cure - Just Like Heaven

14. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP?
6:45am I was late to work, as usual

15.WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT TWO NIGHTS AGO?
Sleeping REALLY well.. hehe

16. HOW MANY EX'S ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Just one

17. DO YOU LIKE HAVING YOUR HAIR PULLED?
Oh yea..

18. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T WAIT TO DO.
FINISH SCHOOL!!

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM?
Sunday

20. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLINGS?
No. I don't have any.

21. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?
Umm.. the fact that I have MS!

22. IF YOU HAD $250,000...HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?
I would pay off all my debt (school, medical, car) and with whatever is leftover I'd buy a condo. As much as I'd love to pack up and leave this hell, I just can't..

23. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AT YOUR CURRENT JOB?
4 years this summer

24. LAST PERSON YOU CALLED?
Danny

25. LAST THING YOU ATE?
A small coffee and blueberry muffin from Dunkin Donuts

26. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE MONTH?
December

27. YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MONTH?
March

28. IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE AT THE MOMENT, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
Greece. I've always wanted to go there.

29. WHAT'S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED FROM ANYONE?
Dirty underwear from Joey.. nah, probably a sweatshirt from my mommy.

30. WHO IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RIGHT NOW?
I'd answer that, but it may make one of my 5 fans upset.

31. MOST VISITED WEBPAGE?
Yahoo, to check my email

32. LAST PERSON YOU TEXT MESSAGED?
Danny.. christ, I talk to him a lot.

33. LAST PERSON THAT MADE YOU SAD?
Martin, cuz he thinks I'm a pleasantly plump, chunky butt, tubby bitch. Well, bite me.

34. WOULD YOU TAKE A BULLET FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Who would say no to this question??

35. FAVORITE TYPE OF DRINK?
Alcoholic? I'm not much of a drinker, but I like a good Mojito every once in a while.

36. FAVORITE FOOD?
Pasta! Italian at heart, baby.

37. FAVORITE DESSERT?
My pumpkin cheesecake

38. HAVE YOU BEEN TO EUROPE?
Just Italy, all over it.

39. IF SOMEONE YOU HATED DIED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Wow.. that's a hard question to answer without sounding callous.. I probably just wouldn't react.

40. DO YOU OWN A CAMERA PHONE?
Yes. Aren't they all camera phones these days?

Bathroom Rules

Baby Jo-Jo says there are rules for male restrooms. Like, when you're the only one in the bathroom and there are three urinals, you must take one at an extreme end, not the middle one. That way, when someone else comes in, they don't have to stand next to you to pee. Makes sense.

There are also rules for women's restrooms. They are as follows:

1. If there is only one other person in the bathroom and 5 stalls, don't chose the one right next to her. What is the need? If she's taking a shit, do you really want a first hand sniff?

2. Make sure the toilet actually flushed completely BEFORE leaving the stall. No, this isn't your house, but when you go into the next public restroom stall, would you like to see a floater? I didn't think so. It's not a difficult task, just flush and look.

3. This next one works well for males or females, too: plop and flush, please!! Chances are if you plop and flush immediately not only will we (a) not hear the sound of your turd hitting the water, but (b) not smell much of it, either. So, don't forget to flush before those kiddies even hit the water!!

4. Wipe up your piss. This is also quite simple, ladies. I get that public restrooms are gross and you don't want to touch your precious ass to the toilet seat in fear of contracting salmonella poisoning or something but, if you urinate all over the fucking seat, please clean up after yourself. You have to wash your dainty hands after you wipe your ass, anyway, so just clean up your own piss.

5. Feminine hygiene products. If you don't have the happy little wrapper that your pad came with, must you just throw your bloody mess into the garbage can, as is? Can you not wrap it up in toilet paper, first? Much more hygienic for the poor bathroom cleaner. Who wants to look at your used pad?

All this being said, women are beautiful creatures. Soft, sweet, sometimes curvy.. but, women are also the most disgusting creatures on the planet. Just because it's not your house, doesn't mean you should trash it for the next victim.

Why Do You Love Me?

I´m no barbie doll
I´m not your baby girl
so I´ve done ugly things and I have made mistakes
and I am not as pretty as those girls in magazines
I am rotten to my core if they´re to be believed
so what if I´m no baby bird hanging upon your every word?
nothing ever smells of roses that rises out of mud

Oops!

It has just occurred to me that I write a lot about religion and homosexuality. My apologies. But, it's my blog, so I can write whatever I feel like writing!!! =p

Losing My Religion

So, I'm having dinner last night with my mother, her boyfriend, his daughter (40s), granddaughter (14) and a friend (14). Before dinner the "adults" are sitting around chatting and somehow the topic of religion comes up. Mom's boyfriend (Jack) asks me what religion I am. Atheist. Then, my mother goes off saying I don't know what I am and I was sent to 12 years of Catholic school to come out confused. Excuse me?? You mean to tell me that just because I don't think the way you do that makes me confused, or not know what I'm talking about? My mother goes to church on weddings and funerals. That's it. Well, at least I'm not a hypocritical Catholic?!

This is the problem I have with organized religion, or jesus-freaks: the thought that your way is the only way. It's not. There are a lot of different beliefs in the world, and there is no one to say with certainty that YOUR belief is the one and only "right" one. Most people in this world, I think, are Christian or Catholic. Most people in this world are also hypocritically Christian/Catholic. They believe in the thought of "god," but don't actually practice the religion. They never go to church, they sin all the time, and I seriously doubt any confessions come out of it. But, the second I tell you I don't believe in god, hell has frozen over and you look at me with a look of horror. Why? Why is it so terrible for me not to believe in anything? At least it's honest. I didn't say I was a Manson follower, or a Satanist (which I don't think is that terrible of a "religion," but that's another topic altogether), so why the face? Isn't it better for me not to believe in anything, then believe in something you find reprehensible? Or, is my belief in nothing that reprehensible?

I went through a stage in HS where I was Wiccan. Now, 10 years later, I can admit it was just a stage and I did it purely to be "cool." However, knowing what I know about the Wiccan religion, it's fairly straightforward and a happy medium in this world of extreme. They believe in nature and doing things in balance, not hurting anyone on purpose, etc. That seems pretty cool to me. But, according to the world, Wicca isn't a religion. In fact, from my place of employment, our internet access is restricted. No porn sites, dating sites, nothing sex-related. Religion, isn't included on this list. I can look up any church website, or Baptist websites, write blogs, whatever.. What I cannot look up is Wiccan-related websites. Apparently, Wicca is considered an "alternative religion," and we're not allowed to believe in anything that teaches nature and balance.

I'm now an Atheist, mostly because I don't practice in anything specific, nor do I believe in anything specific. In all honesty, I don't know if there is a "god" or higher power up there. I don't know what happens to us when we die. No one does. But, while I live I'm going to be the best person I can be, whether or not I believe anyone is watching. According to Joey, and I agree with him, religious people are not truly GOOD people. The truly GOOD people are atheists. Religious people are only good with an ulterior motive of going to heaven in the end. Atheists that are good people, are good for the sake of being good, not because they are getting anything out of it.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with religious people. I even cried during "The Passion of the Christ." You should believe in what you want to believe in. HOWEVER, when you look at me like I'm a horrible person because of my beliefs, then we have a problem. We'll also have a problem when you try to "save my soul" by preaching to me the wonders of your god. I don't care. I don't need more religious sermons in my life, I went through 12 years of Catholic school, remember? I've had my fill.